Cruise Characters, Part Deux

Everyone, meet Gullible!

Gullible is a very sweet but easy to fool lady from the greater Pittsburgh area.

The guide for our trip around Hilo (which included a lovely hike across a lava field!) was a young Hawaiian guy who is awesome. He was so awesome that when we finally make it back to the Big Island we will be calling him for a private tour. Seriously great.

Anyways we knew it would be an interesting day when Mr. Amazon and his wife climbed into our van…and did not expect a double-plus-bonus! The guide had everyone in the van say where they were from. Behind us was a young-ish couple and Gullible. The young-ish couple said they were from Toronto, Canada. So Gullible, whose voice is extremely high and squeaky, pipes up and says, in her proudest recitation voice left from grammar school, “PENNSYLVANIA USA!!!”

Alrighty!

So we’re driving along a fairly windy road and the guide is telling us all kinds of interesting facts about Hawaii.

He talked about the state bird (the Nene!):

(http://home.earthlink.net/~becky400/paleologia/nene.jpg)

And the state flower (yellow hibiscus!):

(http://www.theflowerexpert.com/media/images/aboutflowers/stateflowers/hawaiistateflowers/hawaii-state-flower.jpg)

And the state fish (humuhumunukunukuapua’a!):

(http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/ap/ny10804180956.hmedium.jpg)

And then he started talking about how Hawaii does, in fact, have snakes.

For a state that is well-known to NOT have snakes, this surprised most of the people in the van. But our guide had thus far turned out to be a fairly jovial sort, so we were waiting for the joke in all of this.

He started describing the Black Arrow Snake. (Gullible, meanwhile, is scribbling furiously in a small notebook)

The Black Arrow Snake is very common, and people don’t even know it’s there – but you can see it from the side of the road! Hang on, I’ll show you one as we drive along – you can see them all over. It won’t be long now. Here we are – LOOK! A black arrow snake!!!!

(http://www.freeclipartnow.com/d/43030-1/curvy-road-ahead-sign-01.jpg)

RDRR.
(a bazillion bonus points shall be yours if you know where RDRR comes from)

So we all grlaugh (that’s groan + laugh people) and the guide begins telling us about our first stop (a lava tube!).

There’s a moment of silence in between discussion.

And from the back, a high, squeaky, totally innocent voice pipes up.

“Is the Black Arrow Snake poisonous?”

I’d like to point out that the correct term here is VENOMOUS – poisonous refers to something you ingest that harms you, while venomous is something that can harm you if it bites you. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

Ok so while I was pausing to tell you that major distinction, there was an actual pause in the van. People weren’t sure what they’d heard.

The guide looked at Gullible in the rearview mirror and said, “Wait. Seriously?”

And the ENTIRE VAN burst into gut-busting laughter. I’m pretty sure this included Gullible’s husband.

She then said, “Well I need to know so I can write it in my notebook!!”

OMG.

O.
M.
G.

Not only was she SERIOUS but she STILL didn’t get it.

So someone gently explained it to her. The good sport that she was, she did laugh – in between turning a few choice shades of red.

So then the guide says, “I am gonna call you Gullible for the rest of the day.”

And he did.

He’d say, “Gullible come check THIS out!” and tell her some made up story.

It was kinda cute, actually. Her innocence was charming. The way she played along and took the teasing in stride was admirable. She was having a good time. She wasn’t hurting anyone, and nobody was hurting her with their gentle ribbing.

It was a lot like a family vacation, but without the horrible smell from the back seat (more bonus points if you get THAT reference) and the threats to turn the car (van) around.

It made for a good distraction from Mr. Amazon. And provided a good story to tell you fine people.

I hope her friends back in the ‘Burgh are nice to her and don’t take advantage!

And I’ll leave you with this story, also from our guide (only this one is true). (and you should probably not read this part while you are eating)

(consider yourself warned)

So, we brought along some snacks for the hikes, knowing ourselves and our need to eat far more often than the average human being. We brought along some nori maki

(http://www.dcwhawaii.com/samurai/noriarare.jpg)

and some marlin jerky

(http://www.snackhawaii.com/resources/_wsb_287x230_4_KMJ_TERI_350x263$5B1$5D.jpg)

Delicious. And also apparently not what your average tourist will choose as a snack. Our guide was SO EXCITED to see us eating local grindz and struck up a conversation with us. We told him we lived on Oahu, and started talking about other Hawaiian foods. He was so impressed to hear that we not only enjoy most of the local foods, but that we eat them regularly (the average tourist might taste a tourist-i-fied version of these at a luau one time, but we seek this stuff out ‘cause it’s GOOD). So he was really excited to see some haole folks eating the same things he likes to eat.

Which brought us to poi.

(finally. a photo I actually TOOK.)

Everyone has heard of poi.

It’s ground up fermented taro root, probably with some water and other stuff in there (I never really asked). Taro, in and of itself, is very tasty.
And purple. (and you have eaten it if you've had the mixed Terra chips)

(http://mainmainmasakmasak.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/taro_cross_300.jpg)

Poi is…bland. The Good.Sport describes it as flavorless applesauce. That’s about right in terms of texture (well, the smooth kind of applesauce). And flavor for that matter. It’s not BAD, but it’s not GOOD either. The Good.Sport likes it quite a bit. I tolerate it. I’ll eat it if it’s placed in front of me, but I’m not gonna seek the stuff out. But you can mix things into it, eat it with other stuff, dip stuff in it, etc, etc. Seems like everyone has their own way of enjoying poi.

Anyways our guide was telling us how his grandfather likes HIS poi.

He takes a bowl of poi.

Sets it out for 3-4 days.

Until it grows a nice, fuzzy layer of mold on top.

The he mixes it up and EATS IT.



It must be some old Hawaiian thing that I don’t know about yet, but I can guarantee you if that’s what it takes to be accepted ‘round these parts, you can continue to call me an outsider.

To each their own, of course – some people think bleu cheese (mold) is disgusting and not fit for human consumption, and I love the stuff. And without mold there would be no penicillin – so I’m not really judging.

I’m simply asking that if I am a guest at your home, that you serve fresh poi. Please.

PLEASE.